Teachings from Sweetest Song
I wanted to speak into the major themes of the Sweetest Song music video to give you all a fresh perspective in watching.
On the surface the video depicts the innocent relationship between the 2 main characters, the girl (we call her Little Clown) and her bear.
Underneath however, the video depicts the toxic relationship patterns of co-dependency.
The relationship starts sweet, innocent, fully of love and wonder. But very quickly this illusion starts to crumble.
As in real life, there is only so long the masks we wear can stay on, and as it starts to slip Little Clown begins to project her unhappiness onto the bear.
We see on multiple occasions the bear take Little Clown's abuse, only for joy and happiness to return to the relationship almost immediately after.
The major theme here is the victim/ persecutor dynamic that exists in most relationships.
What's interesting is that we want to blame Little Clown, we label her the villain and feel sorry for the bear. After all, what has he done?
But in this case the bear represents the one in the relationship who doesn't feel able to speak up, who doesn't feel able to get up and leave, who stays around and takes the abuse. The bear chooses to stay and be a victim. The fact that we all feel sorry for him is what holds him there as it validates him in his role and experience.
Ultimately, the song is about forgiveness. "I wish I could tell you I'm sorry" it opens.
On the surface I'm asking for forgiveness for the breakup and my part in it. Under the surface, it’s really about forgiving the self. Because to forgive ourselves and love the parts of us that we don't like or even hate is what brings true healing to these kind of unhealthy relating dynamics.
The truth is that we are all both the Clown and the bear. We may have one that we reside in more readily, but we all flick between them in our power struggles. This video brings illumination to this but also suggests a new approach.
Because once we learn to love ourselves, forgiveness for those people who have 'wronged' us becomes effortless. They are, after all, just a reflection of ourselves.
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I wrote Sweetest Song 5 years ago now after a horrific break up.
I had been in an incredibly toxic and abusive relationship with a woman for a number of years.
It was a painful time of my life, and very much a case of trauma bonding through drug addiction and drama.
After a few years I got to the point where I knew I wanted out of the relationship. But at the time I didn't have the backbone to end it powerfully myself. Instead, I slept with another woman and sobbingly confessed after.
This event was actually the catalyst for me starting to take responsibility for my life. I went on a journey of self-discovery and healing.
The video very much explores themes of toxic relating in a really clever and humorous way. The dynamic of the victim and the persecutor that exists within the majority of relationships cleverly presented through the innocence of the relationship between Little Clown and her teddy bear.
The song on the other hand is really about forgiveness.
In reflection, we were both so awful to each other during the relationship because there were parts of ourselves and our pasts that we couldn't forgive.
I believe this to be the case with all toxic relationships.
And so, I really see this song as a portal for healing. It is an opportunity to look at ourselves and the layer of ourselves that we can't be with and learn to love them.
Because from this space forgiving the other person becomes effortless. They are, in reality, just a reflection of ourselves.
